Dud

I burnt the wick of every last nerve tonight on the way. My lungs were filled with more than just smoke as I choked on my words. Throwing firecracker duds. Something in my chest aches and sparks but I don't know what. It's not heartache, not sadness. Maybe I'm hurting to live again. I can't really tell. I can't really feel. Not that I don't know how to, its just that I won't allow myself to. I almost turned around, waiting for that firecracker pop. I'm terrified that dud will pop. I think that dud did pop. I sat in silence tonight heading back. My lungs didn't feel as full but my ears couldn't hear anymore. The blistering ringing of that firecracker pop. In that moment I felt as if my ears were bleeding, and I couldn't hear you anymore.