About You

I can't let you know how much I think about you. About stealing kisses from you when you hide that smile. About watching the sun sneak in through the windows to cover your back in the morning while you sleep. About quiet moments that only we can explain. About my fingers tangled in your hair and your palm on my cheek. About the steady beating of two hearts in different worlds. About the ease of wanting you. About the coming and going of these moments. About the impossibility of these moments. I can't let you know how much I think. Not about this, not about you. 

Dud

I burnt the wick of every last nerve tonight on the way. My lungs were filled with more than just smoke as I choked on my words. Throwing firecracker duds. Something in my chest aches and sparks but I don't know what. It's not heartache, not sadness. Maybe I'm hurting to live again. I can't really tell. I can't really feel. Not that I don't know how to, its just that I won't allow myself to. I almost turned around, waiting for that firecracker pop. I'm terrified that dud will pop. I think that dud did pop. I sat in silence tonight heading back. My lungs didn't feel as full but my ears couldn't hear anymore. The blistering ringing of that firecracker pop. In that moment I felt as if my ears were bleeding, and I couldn't hear you anymore.

Lately I've been wanting more.

I miss our winter night walks and pink noses. My frozen fingers wrapped around a disposable coffee cup as I watched you kick the snow. As the holiday lights illuminated your smile, you glanced away in nervousness. We rubbed hands together in the warmth of my car and nothing felt that bad. I want things to just be simple again.

Vice Versa

In the plight of the moment, I watched your eyes dance past mine. Despondent and obedient, I kept my head lowered and my heart lower. Our hearts beat out of synch. Stumbling and fumbling to keep pace, but I'm falling behind. My vanishing point is you. And I know, even though I don't really want to. And I love you, even though I don't know how to tell you.

Send me a nurse

(just a disclaimer, I know how utterly fucked up this sounds, im just really sick and a million unrelated words filtered through my mind. These are those words, purified and unorganized)

It didn't take that long for the room to pull apart, splitting in half like a plastic Easter egg. My brain turned into alphabet soup and the water danced in her pipes like Mexican jumping beans, shaking the little ones awake. I hear violins in the living room, but I forgot how to play. His mouth opens like a sewer drain and you dive right in. You don't want to be alone. The rats will welcome you home. Someone is sleeping in the attic.

Lost Letters

The first time we locked eyes, I fell in love.
Your tall, slim body sat bored, uninterested in what she had to say.
I sat still, imagining the lightness of your frame.

I left you alone...

But your golden skin begged for my touch.
I wanted to sink my teeth into you.
I wanted you to scream the words I begged to say.

I left you alone...

But when I look at you, I lose all thought.
My finger tips ache to pull you close, palms pulsing down your back.
The whispers I beg to formulate spill from the darkness of your eyes.

I can’t ignore you.

You know that thing you were thinking?

It's true. Don't second guess a thing.

The reality of impossibility

I had a dream last night that we were running. Running from lies and war and heartache and failure. I woke up this morning suffocated by truth and an internal war and heartache and the fear of failure.

I've taken ill in the reality of impossibility. Back to bed...we'll stay together... stay running...in my sleep.