Stacking Up

Today I was asked what I was truly scared of. The subject is irrelevant, but my answer was the most honest answer I could come up with. That is, until now. I said I was scared of losing my pride, and in a sense I am, but what I'm truly scared of is not being enough. Enough in every sense of the word. Enough of a provider, enough of a friend, enough of a partner, enough of a student, enough of a person. I am scared to walk into something not knowing what will become of me, and what I can bring forth. I am scared to be legally bound to something that scares me from the start. Don't get me wrong I am ecstatic to be moving forward, but the road itself is unfamiliar. That, I don't like. I don't like where I'm at this point in my life, but it's damn near impossible to change anything now. Even more, it's almost worthless to attempt change when in a matter of months I'll be long gone anyhow. I don't mind my job, I honestly would like to keep it. But everyone wants me to do more. I'm scared of being a let down. I'm scared I won't stack up to what it's expected of me. I'm scared to be myself. Even worse, I'm scared to admit that. I'm scared enough is never enough, and I'm scared that who I am, and my limits, fall far too short of what I and they should be. Being understood is much harder than I ever thought possible.