Who knows.

I'm not happy. I've known this for a while now, but the intensity and reality of the matter is finally kicking in. Hard. I've tried every which way to find some sort of fulfillment in life, but either I or someone else shuts it down instantaneously. I am quite literally dying for social interaction, I don't care with who, where, or how. I'm virtually unapproachable though, and that sucks. My days are broken down from hours to minutes to seconds of sitting in an empty room, TV off lights off, mind is on full blast though. I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen, but it never does. I leave the house on daily runs, hoping to find that missing thing out there, but it never shows. I wait, I search, no matter how I approach it, life is hiding from me. Happiness riding its coattails. This isn't some bad mood kind of day writing. This is an unspeakable feeling of deep isolation and mourning. I've lost who I am completely and I've shut myself out entirely. If I can't tap into who I am, who the fuck else will. Who else even can? I just need someone to sit with, I think. On my overpass, letting the sun fall and chill us both to our cores. I'm just tired of feeling so alone I think. Who knows.